Drive

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. What an adventure, is to be on the pursuit of happiness. You don't know what it is, you don't know if you'll ever reach it, and you don't know when you've reach it. Nonetheless we all embark upon this lofty journey, for we aspire for a better life than the one we started with.

My own journey has had its fair share of twists and turns. This last chapter has proven to be rather interesting, and I don't know if I'll finish it. A part of me wonders if this all was a mistake. I synthesize and wonder what this chapter would have been like if I would have changed one decision. Do I regret it? The jury is still out, but I think I have my answer.

If I'm being honest, I don't think this ever was for me. I don't normally fit in the conventions typicality that so many are accustom to. Yes, I can blend in, I can say what needs to be said, but it feels as if ash is in my mouth. This isn't me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I know we all make mistakes, and mistakes can define us - or lead us to a defining moment; and I wonder...Is this my defining moment? Has my life's work accumulation lead me to this moment? Was it meant to be? 

Has my pursuit lead me to this for a reason? I cannot say. Still, I think it would be foolish not to examine all possibilities. After all, if this isn't meant to be, than something should prevent it from going on, right?

My current predicament has yielded me with an insane lack of interest. So much so that I can't help but entertain the idea to try anything if it means it will break this repetitive cycle. And if it does, it won't be anything that you think it is. Secretly, I am excited, because for the first time, in a long time, I'm actually, genuinely excited for something. And that's a beautiful thing.