The Unfinished Letters - Unmet Expectations

Can I be real for a second? Just a millisecond? I have no words. I’m at a loss for words. For once in my life I don’t know what to say. I think I’ve done something quite terrible. Am I able to justify my actions? Especially if it was meant to save harm and hurt from another? Does that make it right? Does that justify the means? That’s the thing about life; we create these expectations on how things are going to go. Consequently, we then plan our life accordingly; placing ourself in the best situation to meet said expectations, but what happens when these expectations go unmet?

Are you confused? Are you as lost as I am? Perhaps I should try and explain. What are the causes to the results that we call “failures” in our life? Money? Greed? Dishonesty? Sex? Jealousy? Or does it all boil down to Bad Luck? If I’ve learned anything from my rotations around the Sun, anyone and everyone will come up with a reason for their failures, some don’t even take a share of the blame, and others take all of it. The failures in life are the direct result of unmet expectations that we’ve created in our heads. And that’s where it gets interesting. For who wants to admit that they couldn’t get the results that they wanted. And so, we project our frustration on others or ourselves, and when has this ever helped the matter?

So, what did I do? What was this terrible action that rendered me speechless? I hurt someone. Someone that meant a great deal to me. I lied to them. It was a harmless lie, used with the best intentions of saving them harm. For they wouldn’t understand, or they would react in a way that would be devastating for their own self. The decision was made out the pure intention of sparing the unnecessary sensation of futile emotional toil. The issue with a harmless lie, is that it requires you to continue to lie; and that small harmless life turns into something much larger, and when you’re confronted about the lie, and even caught, you find yourself continuing to lie to save them the pain that they may already be feeling.

I try to empathize and see it from their perspective. But what I struggle with the most is trying to comprehend why I didn’t say anything? I was given the chance to say something, but I chose to stick with the lie, and that’s the start of the end of you and I. But you see, this great unmet expectation is where I is you.

And if this is the end, I just want to say. I am sorry. I am sorry for how this ended. I’m sorry for all of the unmet expectations that I have created for others. I should have been better, I realize that now. I got caught so far in my own unmet expectations of others that I failed to see the ones I was creating of my own. I am sorry that I couldn’t meet the expectations before me. I pray that you’ll find it within yourself to forgive me for my shortcomings.

10/14/2017